How I met my Wife

Back in 1992 I had been in the Air Force for a while and was running around partying a lot, basically a screw up. I spent a couple of weekends in Corrective Custody picking up trash, because I was a DUMBASS. You get what you deserve, and I deserved it. I was always on the prowl and trying to impress all my friends, just a young buck in full rut. You know, STUPID. We lived in COED dorms, male and female Airmen all in the same building, yup just as wild as you think. This girl moved into the room next to mine, I didn’t think much of it at first because she was way out of my league. It was Halloween in Montana so it was about 0 Degrees outside, so naturally I went as a Caveman with only a loin cloth. I told you how dumb I was. My buddies and I went out and got drunk, I mean DRUNK. My good friends dropped me off back at the dorms in the day room because I could no longer drive them around or walk or talk. They generously kept on party in my name however. A little later I came to, and got my second wind sort of.

I woke up in the day room with the new girl and her BFF watching me act stupid. I think I tried to talk to her, but I pretty sure I failed. She and her friend took it upon themselves to carry me back to my room. I found myself getting carried by this tiny girl from next door, she did not even know me yet she was looking after me. I thought to myself “That’s the girl for me.” So they got me tucked into bed and left me there in my room. Well there were a couple of guys in the building that did not like me, how could anyone not like a dipshit like me? Anyway, they came into my room and proceeded to cover me with shaving cream and I woke up, they took off. I stumbled to my feet and pursued these dastardly fiends. I made it to the day room again, the cowards had disappeared but there was that girl again. Now I was semi-conscious and felt that I could whew her with some of my witty banter. As I began to speak, the world went black again and again I woke up with this tiny girl carrying me back to safety. Smooth. I had fallen in Love right there but I had made an ass out of myself so I figured I had better wait a while to try to talk to her.

That November my buddy was getting married and I was his best man. While scrambling around trying to get ready I had to run back by my dorm room. I was standing there  in a full tuxedo trying to get into my room when I noticed that I was being watched. The pretty little girl from next door was standing there, just staring at me. To dumb to realize that she wanted me to talk to her, I just thought that I must look stupid and went in my room. After that I went on leave and came home for a couple of weeks. The whole time that I was back home I kept thinking of her. So I made up my mind that when I got back, I was going to talk to her, and try not to be such a dork this time.

December, back in Montana. I did some stalking and found out about a party that she was going to be at, so I went. It was way the hell out in the middle of nowhere, Montana Duh! Us single guys were dropping like flies, getting married off. My last single buddy and I headed out to the party. He did not know my plan, he just knew there was a party. We got there and thank goodness she was there. Of course she was, little did I know she done the same stalking to make sure I was going to be there. Why?, hell I don’t know maybe I just looked that damn good in my uniform, maybe she was just insane. Maybe, now I don’t want to get too corny here, but maybe it was true love that first time we met at Halloween. The universe is a weird place. So there we were, I guess she got tired of waiting on me to make any moves so she came over to me. I won’t get into the details, but within one minute we were kissing like long lost lovers that had been separated. Our souls had been apart too long and there was no stopping this attraction, no matter how dumb I was.

By Christmas we were engaged and by January 16th we were married, and for the last 25 years it’s always felt like destiny.

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